Fire

I yearn for moments of calmness and concentration. I yearn for quite alone-time. I never seem to get that when I'm at home; there's a fire burning every night. The flames spread so fast and can't run away in time. The flames engulf me and I can't breathe. 

I try not to get involved in the conflict, but somehow the feeling of anger comes upon me. Saying anything would add wood to the fire. Even the closed doors of my room can’t keep away the fire. It takes away my mind and heart and all I can think about is the red hot fire. And then I wonder why I never get my work done. I keep telling myself to ignore and concentrate on what’s important, but it’s like someone threw gasoline on me and I just can’t escape the feeling of anger and sadness.

There’s usually no good reason to start the fire; it has just become our daily routine. The habit that’s so hard to get rid of. I thought it was just a home thing, but I realized it’s affecting my whole life. I feel like I’m stupid and people tell me I should study more. But I just can’t, no matter how hard I try. Of course I want to study, and I want to do well in school, but to do that I need concentration and I need time and I need support. I can’t get any work done when there’s constant screaming going on, or slamming doors and stomping.

The people who tell me to study just don’t understand that they’re lucky to get that opportunity I wish I had. But in the end, I just tell them “Ya, I guess I’m just stupid then”. And my tears wash away those hopes and desires and reputation of what I want to be.